I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
