stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize