The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
