I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just pynch a tree in the face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
