if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize