She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
