i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
