got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize