New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
birth control should be required to get into college
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
