When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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