??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
