Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
