On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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