so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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