I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
