Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
