Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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