Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
