i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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