I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
