Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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