I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
