You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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