just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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