some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The uberlube is also flammable
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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