I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
