There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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