those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
