I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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