some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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