My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
