Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
