it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
