I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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