I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize