dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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