Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
