Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
