Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize