I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
