There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
