My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
