Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
