STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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