The best revenge is premature balding
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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