I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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