Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
