...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I love you.
Bad choice
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
