you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
