the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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