someone get that fucking seahorse.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
