yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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