gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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