You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
