He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
