I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
