After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
