you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
