Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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