Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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