Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
