Me too!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
