he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
