i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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