you have to choose: penises or morals?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
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