in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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