I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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