A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
