So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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