Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
