look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize