I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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