Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
home. puking in laundry basket.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
