They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
