im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
