It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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