No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
