i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
