i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
