i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
