the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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