dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
