Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
