I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
