I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
