you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
