how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
